Letter from Mother

My mom emailed me. Part of her email goes as follows:

I am glad you called me this morning . I really enjoy chat with you for 2 hours .  I wanted to saying   I am  sorry .  I did not mean to hurting your feeling  I use Esl to communcation with you .   I am pse sign language .  so I will try my best to talk to you ASl sign language ok .  Please forgive me ok . I love you .Because you dont assiocate deaf community .  I thought you are like your Dad .   Because Your father dont using asl sign language to communcation with me .  Please forgive me ok .

I  dont know why God create me . I am Black and Deaf .  I am suffer . I dont know why God create that my Daughter is not Deaf . I wish I have a Deaf Daughter .  But I am glad you Learned sign Language when you were 3 years old . Because  my realtive refused to learning sign language . I was so fraustrated with my realtive . They left me out During thanksgiving Dinner and Christmas  too . I dont want to involved with hearing realtive anymore .

I have mixed feelings about this email. The one that stands out the most... is anger. I have been trying to not seethe with anger every time I think of this email, but it has proven to be futile.

It is not my fault that I was born hearing. Nor is it my fault that I was taken away. In fact... it is my mother's fault. Mom, you chose to push me down some stairs. You chose to tie me to a chair. You chose to bust my face open with a broom. Now you choose to look down on me. You choose to ignore the fact that you did actually raise me... until CPS deemed you abusive and I was taken away. You choose to ignore the fact that I signed before I voiced.

This is why, although you say you love me, I can't help but to be angry. You make the bold assertion that I "don't associate with the Deaf community" when I've been trying to be reconciled with you and my family for years. For years I've asked you to sign normally to me, not as if you look down on me as if I am just some hearing person who doesn't know anything about Deaf culture. I am your DAUGHTER. Where do you even get this idea that I "don't associate with the Deaf community"? I was born into it. A few days ago I graduated from college with a Deaf Studies degree. Yet you still look down on me. I did not choose for you to shun me.

You are angry that hearing relatives haven't learned sign. I want to become fluent in sign again. I lost my language when I was taken away from you due to your irresponsibility. You see that I'm no longer fluent, so you use Signed English. You're not doing it so I can understand you... you're doing it because you look down on me. You don't even pay attention to the fact that our hearing relatives have tried to learn Sign. In fact, not only did your first cousin attempt to learn... two out of her three kids took it in college. Now they can use it on a nearly conversational basis. But it is not that easy to just learn a language. It is not that easy to be accepted. Take me, for example. You don't accept me. How would I expect others to accept me? Yet... it's my fault?

I can't even talk to you right now. I have to find a way to calm down.